kawrites

last February, our five-year-old dog Mako died because of a sudden heart attack. yesterday, one of our two new puppies, Marbie, had to be put to sleep for good.

Marbie is a female bull mastiff with streaky black and brown fur and a bear-like face. she was the most beautiful--and i do mean beautiful, not just cute--dog we have ever had. unlike Pikoy, the male Labrador-Sharpei mutt, she wasn't very sweet or thoughtful. but she was so cuddly and soft and huggable.

unfortunately, Marbie tested positive for canine distemper. this is an incurable and highly communicable canine disease that is caused by a virus related to the deadly SARS virus. it causes respiratory failure and nervous breakdown in dogs.

Marbie was not able to sleep the whole of Sunday night because of a pain in her belly. her forelegs were already twitching and jerking slightly and she couldn't get into a comfortable position to sleep. she was crying and whimpering the whole night long. the very next day, we brought her to the vet to be evaluated.

the first time that she was tested for CD, she was negative and we were very happy. we thought that the worst was over. however, yesterday, she got even worse. all four of her legs were already jerking nonstop and her voice is hoarse from crying too much.

the vet advised us to give her medication for another 14 days and see if she is going to get any better. however, she will infect Pikoy, our other dog. a dog with CD is a lifetime carrier of the virus and there is no known cure for it.

so we had to make a choice. Mama signed the waiver forms for Marbie's euthanasia. i already said goodbye to Marbie even before we brought her to the vet. i was already crying.

we held Marbie's legs and body as the vet inserted the needle that will put her to sleep permanently. only 3ml of that bright blue liquid was needed to snuff out our dog's life. the plunger was not yet halfway through the cylinder when Marbie's body stiffened and her eyes drooped. i can't help but cry again as Marbie died swiftly on the examination table.

Marbie lived for only two months, but we love her so much. we still have another dog, presumably healthy because he is not showing any signs of canine distemper. the disease is not transferable to humans but since the viral cause is SARS-like, it is really advised that dogs with CD are killed immediately. they are only threats to other dogs and perhaps to humans as well.

we brought Marbie's corpse to an empty lot near our home to be buried. now there is only Pikoy to say "ararararar ararar" every time we wake up or get home. i've already contacted friends who are giving away female pups so we can get another dog to be Pikoy's companion.

-karla's quote of the day.

actually i was only referring to the Blue Eagle that graced the top of the billboard in Ateneo's Gate 3. it was not yet dark but the bird's lights were already plugged in.

hahaha.  i went home with Mhe and Belle in a tricycle around 530PM today. the three of us were all bangag, sabaw, lutang. for me, i think it has something to do with the 120 page manuscript that i have to finish by wednesday next week. i still need to write 40+ pages. i wonder how and where i would get the stamina to finish the book ON TOP of my final exams.

la la la.

at least there's Ricky Lee's "Para Kay B" to look forward to. jed and i bought this book because we both like it. i'm less than 100 pages short of the ending, and it's a really enjoyable read.

even as i am writing this entry, i can't stop the pain tugging at my heart. it's only been two days, but i already miss him so much.

my family was devastated by the death of our beloved dog Mako. he died of an unexpected heart attack Tuesday morning. we brought him to the vet last Saturday because he was developing some skin infection, which turned out to be caused by bacteria and fungus. it was a treatable condition, nothing to worry about, the vet said. he was due for a check up this Saturday.

but, he already left us. it had been five happy fluffy years with him. everyone in my family is a dog lover, from my deceased father to my youngest brother. for us, a dog is not something, he or she is someone. we love and cherish our pets like anything.

this is the first time in 10 years that our home is without a dog, a baby pet, a bantay. it is simply heartbreaking to not see Mako wagging his tail when i go out into the garage or when i arrive home from school. it hurts me not to be able to smell his doggy coat or to hug his spotted body.

when i saw mama's text about Mako's death, i immediately went to the pubroom to call her. i was crying. why? why did he die? he was getting better with the prescribed medications, so what went wrong? when my sister read mama's message, she also called mama from school. she was crying, too. my brother was at home and he saw how Mako died. he was crying when he called my mother about it. we were all crying.

Mako is by far our sweetest, most loving and most loyal pet. we cut off some of his fur to keep as remembrance. he has many pictures in our PC and in all our cellphones, and he will always be part of our family.

goodbye, Mako. we love you very, very much.

yesterday, as i was on my way to school, i think i was already hallucinating a bit. my head was one big ball of iron that weighed down on the rest of my body. the right side of the back of my head throbbed with every step i make, and i wince with pain.

i thought the headache and the joint pains would stop after i take my requisite dose of Alaxan FR for my dysmenorrhea, but all my bodily complaints are not yet over. gosh, i feel like a zombie walking on leaden feet and shackled arms.

but i don't have a choice, do i? i still have a ten page paper to finish and it's due tomorrow.

la la la la la la la

Ich bin sehr krank. Sehr krank.

in political science class today, Sir RR discussed the seven M's of political dynasty-building in the philippines. the phrase was taken from the book "The Rulemakers: How the Wealthy and Well-born Dominate Congress" by Sheila Coronel in 2007.

intrigued, i tried looking for the whole text on the Internet right after class. i found PCIJ's special features site, where a digest of the book had been uploaded.

the article itself is not easily searchable, so i put the link here in case you want to read it. it's longish but interesting, especially if you belong to one of those political dynasties.

learning about this notorious seven-step process in dynasty-building after reading Benedict Anderson's seminal work on cacique democracy has fanned my anger. the way land-based wealth has infiltrated state institutions throughout history--indeed, it has infiltrated the very fate of this country--irritates me, to say the least.

whenever i get cynical about this country, i think of the farmers with no land of their own to farm; child laborers who have no chance of good education; prostitutes who sell themselves for a meager income; and deep-sea divers who have no proper equipment. i think about the people beneath me in the totem pole of this society, and then i think about the people who are way above me.

sometimes, being in the middle class is so maddening. on the one hand, you want to change things and help the truly poor and underprivileged. at other times, you want to emulate the opulent lifestyle of the old rich clans.

but somewhere along the way, you have to make a choice. you're stuck in the middle unless you do something to change the situation, to turn the tides, to make a lasting and tangible difference.

The Seven M's of Dynasty Building is found here.

so i went to the nearest Booksale branch to buy some books. on my first try, there were too many people inside the store and i couldn't go through the shelves properly. i found a novel that had promise, but it was 115 pesos. it was about the journey of a herd of elephants in search of a mystical bone that will save them from some imminent danger. the whole story was told from the point of view of one of the elephants.

if you are a Booksale veteran, you know that that book is still expensive. so i left the store, disappointed and just a little irritated that i couldn't find new and cheap books. if i didn't rein in on my reading appetite, i would be buying at least two new books every month. i can't afford brand new books because they will only burn a hole in my pocket, so i settle for used ones.

after an hour, i dropped by the store again. this time there weren't as many customers, and i was free to rummage through their shelves as much as i want. mama agreed to meet me there in a couple of minutes to pick and choose books on my own. i ducked down into the bargain bins for a tentative look, and what did i find?



peter mayle's "Hotel Pastis," on sale for only P20! i grabbed it happily. i've been looking for any book by Peter Mayle for four years now. i first came across this author in our freshman English class with Sir DM Reyes. so far i've been unsuccessful at hunting down a suitably priced copy. second-hand books don't bother me, so long as the pages aren't yet yellowed and the cover isn't creased too much.

i squatted down and fought my way through piles and piles of bargain books, looking for prize catches. i once found a copy of Margaret Atwood's "The Blind Assassin" selling for P99 and her "Robber Bride" for P70. but then, i'm avoiding more literary works (read: more complicated prose, more mind-boggling plots) for now because i need light reading.

after a few more minutes, i came up with three other choices:



i almost skipped to the counter with a sheepish grin on my face. my tab amounted only to a wonderful total of P105. i have a bad habit of buying gifts for other people but holding back on spending money on myself. i haven't bought myself anything for christmas, but these books are just right.

so, happy reading to me! :P

FROM CALATAGAN MARCH TO JERICHO MARCH

December 11,2008
10:00a.m. – 12:00p.m.

Route: Batasan Complex South Gate – Sandigan – Commonwealth Ave. – Litex Road – Batasan Complex South Gate

The Calatagan farmers will do a Jericho March around the vicinity of the House of Representatives following the route South Gate of the Batasan Complex – Sandigan – Commonwealth Ave – Litex Road – back to the South Gate of Batasan Complex. 

The symbolical Jericho march is a march for social justice and freedom for all the Filipino farmers yearning for the passage of CARP Extension with Reforms (CARPER).

The 5-kilometer march will be from December 11-17 to coincide with the last day of session of the Lower House.  The 77 Calatagan farmers will take one round of walk from December 11-16, and will walk seven (7) times on the last day on December 17. 

Funding for CARP is due to end on December 17.  The farmers are calling for the Congress to act on CARPER for the remaining session days rather than focusing on amending the Constitution.

last year, i put out a christmas wish list for the first time. i'm not the type of person who really expects and receives lots of gifts during christmas, so i don't spend a lot of time thinking what i would like to get.

but because i'm graduating a few months from now, you could always give me your parting gift in advance. hahaha. no really. just make me feel loved and special, and i'll be happy with that.

so if you're feeling generous, here's what i'd like for christmas:

1. a carnival ride (hello Jed)
2. a copy of Cryptonomicon or The City of Dreaming Books
3. from last year's wishlist: a signed copy of Love, Desire, Children etc. by Rica Bolipata-Santos
4. a photo op with Jai Reyes (ehem A3 blockmates. haha)
5. a maroon or dark blue pashmina
6. a pair of dark-colored Havaianas, the kind that i can wear even to the library, preferably the thick-soled-almost-heeled kind.

and

7. justice for the Calatagan and Banasi-Bula farmers.

today, they came to Ateneo to attend the mass presided by Cardinal Rosales. the moment i saw nanay virgie enter the Gesu, wiping her tears away, tears began to fall from my eyes as well. i don't know why their plight affects me so deeply, why i cry every time i see one of them crying over the injustice of their situation.

it's not just land that the other party is taking from them--it's their very life that is at stake.

last year it was the Sumilao farmers who came to seek public support and government help. this year, it's the Calatagan farmers and another group from Camarines Sur who walked to Manila to ask the president to intervene in their behalf.

despite their tragic disposition, the farmers see a glimmer of hope in continuing to fight for their cause during Christmas. i really pray that they will also get a gracious decision from Malacañang.

if only for that, i will forfeit all of my six personal wishes. there's always another time to get them, but the farmers need a favorable decision now.

for the most part, this is what Quatum of Solace is all about. i watched Casino Royale before, and except for the scenes that involved poker tricks, it was a cool movie. but i still don't know which Bond sequel starring Daniel Craig as Agent 007 i like better.

i've always loved watching James Bond films. my childhood is peppered by thriller movie series such as Die Hard and Rocky and others, the names of which i can't remember anymore. i liked the adrenaline rush and the awesome visual effects. i liked the guys, too--they were always handsome, cocky, and on top of their game.

i also read thriller novels almost exclusively until i tired of their similar plots and i developed a more discriminate literary taste. maybe these movies and books have made me less girly as i was growing up.

QS was a bit of a letdown in terms of plot twists and unexpected Bond tricks, but it still lived up to the tradition of classic 007 movies. the Sony Ericsson gadgets made me oh-so-envious, though.

i loved Olga Kurylenko, who played Bond's girl (in a refreshing sense this time around) as Camille. she was so beautiful. she was like a dark Catherine Zeta-Jones.

excessive noise is the only flaw that i can find in movies such as the James Bond series. the audience can tolerate only so much explosions and car crashes.

several times in QS, however, the editors had the good sense to turn down the volume on violent scenes. this is supposedly to create more drama, but it also served to let the audience hear themselves gasp once in a while. at other times, the sounds they make are drowned out by the movie.

and now, for the video of the theme song, "Another Way to Die"...



i like the movie edit better because it sounds more rock and roll-y. i never thought that it was Alicia Keys who sang this one.

another thing i like about Bond movies: the opening credits is always something to look forward to. there's always a woman in there somewhere, along with a gun and a man in a tux.

i love the words that come out of people's mouths, especially when they're in a candid mood.

1.
Last Sunday, i was texting my bestfriend about this and that when i finally told him something that i've been holding back.

Karla: Chibay, may sasabihin ako sayo. Blah blah blah blah.
Chibay: Nako. Bitch ka talaga. Hahaha.

2.
My five-year-old twin cousins were poring over a Toy Kingdom catalog last Sunday. they kept pointing to different items, but finally one of them found a really cool toy and shouted:

"Pabili tayo nito kay mommy para maging alien tayo!"

3.
"A book is not a recipe. It's a Lego project."

i finally took the chance to enroll in a literary writing class, Sir Ruel's feature writing workshop (which, if you will remember, i attended an hour late on the first day of class). i'm excited AND daunted by what we're supposed to accomplish at the end of the semester.

i just remembered that i need to come up with 3 beautiful story pitches by Monday.

4.
In the pubroom, talking with Vince, Tapar, (Bernard) Chang, and Aames.

Karla: So ano Chang, may girl friend ka na nga ngayon?
Chang: Ngayon? Wala eh. Nakakatamad kaya.
Vince: Haha. Ganda  ng dahilan mo ah. Ako naman ayoko ng girlfriend kasi magastos.

5.
In Philo 103 class.

Fr. La Guardia: So, what are the places or situations that bring out the real nature of people?
Karla: Sir, sa CR po. (everyone laughs)
Fr. La Guardia: (laughing) Sa CR? Teka, sigurado ba tayong nasa Philo 103 class tayo?

so i explain why i thought that people behave like they really are when they're in the restroom, and Father is satisfied. some really weird answers came up, that's why i took the cue to contribute a weird answer of my own. i don't think i've gotten a class of 45 people to laugh at me before, so i count that as an achievement. haha.

and now, Beyonce's new song, which speaks so poignantly of how women sometimes feel about their men.

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed.

want to see the video? it's right here.

i've never started the semester this way before.

on the first day of the 2nd semester, i was just ONE HOUR late for my 3:30-6:30PM class. i was too busy patching things together for my practicum portfolio--which was supposed to be late as well, if Ms Borsoto did not extend the deadline--that i forgot when my last class for the day will start. it was an honest mistake on my part. but still, coming to class one hour after it started is not a fun experience. it's a good thing that our professor never checks attendance and i got away with what i did.

and yesterday, i got a wonderful tongue-lashing from my mother for coming in 40 minutes late for a company interview. (it's not  a job interview yet). when my phone alarm rang at 5:30AM, my first thought was, Why do I need to wake up so soon? two years of classes that start almost at noontime killed the morning person in me. i can no longer be happy about waking up early. the company did give me a second chance, thankfully, but there's no escaping my mother's reprimands for being lazy and late.

i've succeeded in shifting out of Clamor's Theo 151 class and getting into--tentenenenen!--Rosana's class instead. everyone congratulates me for having wisely chosen the lesser of two evils. hahaha! as far as i'm concerned, i just need a teacher who a) will make me think and learn and b) will give me fair grades.

it seems as if there's no stellar teacher for Th151. i was a product of Fr Dacanay and Bobby Guev; it's a pity i can't have a brilliant person for my last theology class anymore. but anyway.

i'm also pretty sad about my philosophy of religion class. it's supposed to deal with the God question, right, as in Is there really a G/god out there? since we have a priest for a teacher, the question is a moot point. judging from the readings, it's more of a philosophy of theology or something like that.

yes, there is a God, and that God is the Christian God is what our class readings say. but i would have liked to explore other possible answers: the no and the maybe and the god-answer of other religions. for now, i would have to be content with only Christian answers, if only because i think ours is an A-able class.

choices, choices.

there goes the last sembreak of my student life. i don't expect the summer vacation to be anything but a time for job-hunting. sheesh, i'm growing old, if not exactly up. hahaha.

dear sembreak, thank you very much for giving me lots of time to rest in between going to places to i've never been. (read: ilocos and TriNoMa.) i was finally able to put up my feet and read a few really good novels. i finally finished the series of medical exams and check ups that my mother orchestrated to see if there's nothing wrong with my health, because she thinks i'm way too thin. nothing showed up wrong in any of the tests and she's satisfied now.

the month-long reprieve allowed me to regulate my sleeping habits and to bond with my dog. it gave me a chance to rediscover the joys of watching Food Network and National Geographic. it gave me time to spend with friends--blockmates, high school barkada, org mates, thesis mates-- and family, without thinking about academic stuff that i need to accomplish soon.

i was even able to upload long-overdue photo albums on my Multiply, and to blog about little everyday things on a regular  basis. i was able to check out web sites i've always wanted to visit. i tinkered with some photos on Photoshop.com (to which i have subscribed) and downloaded cell phone themes.

and of course, i was able to clean our house. that's a real accomplishment for me. i can't stay at home without tending to things that need tidying up, because i will otherwise get bored. besides, i like the physical exertion that comes with scrubbing the bathroom from floor to ceiling. there's much to be said about the satisfaction that comes with seeing the living room windows shine in the sunlight after a thorough washing.

so, that's it for the sembreak. i wanted it to last longer, but it can't and won't. there's nothing left to do but shuffle through my school things again and brace myself for the final, final semester.

But before you squeal with me, try reading this blog entry on the celebration of monthsaries from Yol Jamendang, formerly of the Filipino department in Ateneo. This is the kind of political satire that gets you curious about the way the author's mind works. It's funny, it's interesting, and it's unique.

I wonder what kind of people would decide to call each other "banana flambeaux." And for the record, I disagree that monthsaries should be banned. Haha!


Petisyon Upang Ipatigil ang Pagdiriwang ng Monthsary Bilang Pag-alala sa Araw ng Pagiging MU (mag-un)

Kaming mga boypren na wagas ang pagmamahal sa aming mga gelpren anumang lugar at panahon ay nanawagan sa PANGULONG GLORIA MACAPAGAL ARROYO na ipatigil, ipagbawal at patawan ng parusang reclusion perpetua ang pagdiriwang ng MONTHSARY. Nakikita namin ngayon kung paano minamanipula, pinahihina at nilalason nina Hallmark et al, Close-Up et al at Holland Tulips et al ang aming walang hanggang pag-ibig para sa aming mga bebe, beybe, beybeh, shawty, boo, babes, labs, cutiepie, sweetie, sweetiepie, pag-ibig, munchkins, honeybunch, honey, sugar, tiramisu, banana flambeaux, cupcake, buttercup, chuva tsutsu at eklavu. Isa itong manipestasyon ng imperyalismo, globalisasyon at burukrata-kapitalismong sumisirang parang kalawang sa aming mga personal na relasyon. Naninindigan kami sa muling pagtatatag at pagpapatibay sa institusyon ng pag-ibig kung saan nagsumikap kaming paglingkuran ang kabutihan ng aming mga lovey dovey, sa halip na aming mga sarili at interes ng iilan.

Hindi kayang pagtiwalaan ng taumbayan ang gobyernong nambabalewala sa pangangailangan ng kanyang mga mamamayan. Ipinagkakaloob natin sa gobyerno ang kapangyarihan sa ating buhay, rekurso at kinabukasan. Kung may malalim na pagdududa sa gobyerno tungkol sa mga bagay na mahalaga sa interes ng publiko, hindi magkakaroon ng tunay na kapayapaan o matibay na pagkakaisa hanggat hindi nareresolba ang mga pagdududa.

Hindi tayo maka-uusad hangga’t may MONTHSARY.

Read the rest in Sir Yol's blog.

every year, i see my father's grave look a little better than it did the last time we visited.

my family does not believe in pampering the dead--or rather, the house of the dead. papa occupies the lowest floor of an apartment-style cemetery 15 minutes away from our house. there are not many people in either side of my family who are buried in handsome mausoleums. we prefer simple apartments or grave plots to put our beloved dead in.

we don't bring food or garish flower arrangments to the cemetery. we don't even stay for more than two hours at papa's grave. we light one or two candles and only wait until they're burnt halfway before leaving.

the reason for this, as my mother put it once, is that we don't believe that the dead are in their graves. their bodies are there, of course, but their spirit always remains with us. we'd more likely find papa's spirit roaming our house than at the cemetery. and we shouldn't be afraid if we ever encounter him or any of our other departed relatives.

we still visit their graves at least once a year to keep the tradition, but we don't prettify their little apartment boxes or plots so much. the dead don't appreciate all those beautiful, expensive things anyway, mama says. what's important is that you love those who are still with you, and never forget those who have gone on.

i want to climb a mountain again.

there's the Loyola Mountaineers open climb. vince, aila, and i have agreed to try and join the next open climb together. the beauty of ilocos has left me awestruck and hungry for more scenery, for more bright skies and crystal-clear days. i hope i can convince my mother to let me go if and when we decide to really join.

once upon a time i thought that the sun in the provinces shines hotter and brighter than it does in manila, until i realized that the city's pollution diffuses sunlight. we have foggier, less clear days in manila because the atmosphere is polluted. in a way, i think we're seeing pollution by not seeing the sun in all its bright glory.

i literally gasped when we turned into the coastal road on the way to Vigan, Ilocos Sur. this is the farthest i've gone north. i was so awed that i texted Jed: " ang ganda rito. grabe. gusto kong tumula." i felt that poetry was the only way i could describe what i was seeing. i didn't have a pen and paper with me just then, so i grabbed my phone and typed in a few lines:

The view here as I sit in the bus is utterly breathtaking. The sea and the sky streching away to my left, both like a sparkling liquid jewel. And to my right, I can see the towering expanse of green mountain ranges.

i want to go back there and be humbled  by beauty once more.

+++

on the way back to Ilocos Sur, vince, aames, and i were talking about random things. i told them about a particular memorization contest i joined when i was in 6th grade. it was a bible contest, and we were told to memorize the entire book of James. yes, we were supposed to memorize every single word in all 5 chapters.

i told them that it was a pretty stupid contest, because what could one gain from memorizing an entire book of the New Testament? i had no plans to be a bible scholar.  i didn't even want to join the contest, but my then favorite teacher talked me into joining anyway. i only had three days to commit everything to memory. in the end, the contest was tied between me and my friend.

+++

last night, i read my fortune with Des's tarot cards.

i didn't have a particular question in mind, but i was surprised at what the cards told me. i had enlisted for the second semester not three hours earlier. i thought that college was clinched for me as far as grades were concerned, but the cards...they were telling me not to relax just yet.

i've never taken tarot card reading seriously, and i would not have done so last night, until i read the interpretation for the next three cards. all of them said a little something about my current disposition and thoughts. perhaps there's more to fortune telling than i thought at first.